I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize