He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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