Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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