If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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