I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i now understand why vodka
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
