i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
