One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
