hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
