Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
