You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
