her vagina looked like bernie madoff
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she told me i tasted like america
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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