oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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