I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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