I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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