i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
