What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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