My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
