I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
