Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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