I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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