I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
