She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
