I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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