Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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