Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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