If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
