I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
