Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
