i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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