So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
