So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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