I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
