You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
