Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
