im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
