Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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