somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
