Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
