I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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