This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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