Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
