dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
