I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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