She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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