just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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