You can't special order awesome
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
