I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
