i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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