Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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