I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
