I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
