Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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