I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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