lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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