I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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