Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
