I'm so fucking centered right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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