I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
