I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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