Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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