I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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