Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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