we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
