My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
