11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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