I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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