They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
