Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
