I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
