I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
