bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Buhtt sex?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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