why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
