remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
