Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
