So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize