I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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